Hello. It’s been a while since I posted. I have been preoccupied lately.
When I started this blog I was full of a new optimism. I had an idea of where I wanted my life to go. No matter what obstacles stood in my way, I would confront them head on. I would face them down with my new-found eternal optimism.
I have failed.
I always believed that by being true to myself and others I could take on all of life’s challenges.
Unfortunately I have been stopped in my tracks by a “perfect storm” of events.
Firstly, I separated from my long-term partner. We had an amiable split and remain good friends. Still, it hurt me. But I picked myself up tried to settle back into single life.
Secondly, I got into debt. Not being used to single life, I spent beyond my means. I buried my head in the sand and hoped that it would go away. Obviously it doesn’t work that way and I have had to deal with creditors. Thankfully, they were understanding to my situation and we have come to an arrangement.
Thirdly, my son. Having not had contact with my son in 10 years and after a long legal battle (which also resulted in huge legal fees which contributed to my debts) I had taken the difficult decision to give up the battle and instead would wait for him to come to me, where I would be waiting with open arms. To anyone that knows me would know that I did not take this decision lightly.
I had an encounter with him recently. I was having lunch in a Belfast cafe. As I was leaving I spotted my son. He was with his grandparents. When his grandfather saw me, he pulled my sons head down under the pretence of playing with him. His real reason for doing this was to prevent me from seeing my own son. I was hurt. I left the cafe.
Two weeks later I received a visit from the police. An allegation of harassment had been made against me. It had been alleged that I had stood at my sons table, I pointed in his face and laughed. Upon hearing this I felt sick. That was the last thing I would do! It got worse.
The allegation had not come from the grandparents as I had thought, it had come from my son.
My son is ten years old. He doesn’t even know what I look like. I know he didn’t see me that day thanks to the effort of his grandfather. It left me with the conclusion that my son was coerced into making that allegation. He was coerced into lying to the police, a criminal act. What example are his so-called guardians setting to him?

I could deal with the first two misfortunes. In fact I was dealing with them, and dealing with them well. But the third has knocked the wind from my sails. The feelings of hurt, anger and helplessness have combined to reignite my depression. I don’t blame my son. He is as much a victim in this as I am.

So I’m sorry. I can’t give you a happy ending this time. I wish I could. Truly.